The Experience
by Sad Stephen
Summary: Kanzaki Hitomi, without fully understanding the differences between Earth and Gaea, wishes to return. She'll probably wish she hadn't. ABANDONED.
1. Contemplation

Formalities, formalities....

DISCLAIMER**:** Tenkuu no Escaflowne, its characters, plots, and storylines are the property of their respective owners. By writing this story, I do not claim any rights to or ownership of Tenkuu no Escaflowne, its characters, plots or storylines. If any of the rightful owners object to my use of said characters, plots and storylines, please notify me and I shall rectify the problem immediately. Let it be known that I am not using this story for profit. So don't sue me. Please.

  


* * *

Allen lay on the grass, alone. The Mystic Moon seemed brighter tonight, perhaps because it was the first cloudless night in weeks. A rueful smile played across his face. How could anyone, after all this time, still hold such power over him?

In one smooth movement, Allen rose to his feet and started across the field towards the castle. The music floated from the ballroom, over the garden and to his ears. Allen smiled again, this time feeling more melancholy. How many more matrimonial celebrations would he live to see? It seemed a curse that happiness should thrice escape him, only to grace the lives of everyone he loved.

He paused by the fountain in the garden, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the still waters. How cruel these twenty-five years had been to him! His hair, once a long, silky, silvery-blonde, was now a proper, gentlemanly, cropped silvery-gray. His face, once taut with youthful glow was now a portrait of his life**:** scars from battle, and quickly-deepening lines from stress and solitude. He wished he had at least kept his youthful frivolity so he could mourn the demise of his looks, but no; Allen was not shallow anymore.

His days were now spent presiding over the Orphaned Children's Home, and teaching Asturian history at the local university. For Allen, it was one social event after another, with Celes and Cyan's wedding, the christening of their first child, and now Chid and Varie's wedding.... The gatherings served as a constant reminder of how empty his life was, and he had no one to blame but himself. If only he hadn't held so stubbornly to his self-promise to marry only for love; if only he'd stood up to King Aston; if only he'd asked her not to go....

Allen shook himself from his thoughts and headed back inside.

  


* * *

_December 9_

"Hitomi! Hey – keep your shoes on!"

"Oh, right… sorry!" Hitomi blushed apologetically as she shut the front door. Would she ever get used to these American customs? Of course, it may not have been habit that caused this slip-up. Hitomi had been daydreaming all day. Van. While packing earlier that day, she had found his feather in that disaster zone known as her desk; her thoughts had been with him ever since. Van. She remembered their last moment of contact, six years earlier, when they swore that distance wouldn't matter, that nothing could keep them apart – 

"Hitomi!" Again, she was shaken from her thoughts by Laura's playful scolding.

"Huh?" came her slightly stunned reply. Hitomi peered at her through the dimness.

"You almost walked into the wall… Are you okay? You've been distracted all day long. You aren't sick, are you?" Hitomi could hear the worry in Laura's voice. She smiled; how lucky she was to have such a sweet, caring friend!

"No, Laura. Really. I'm alright. Just thinking about going home next week…." Her voice trailed off. If only she could have chosen Gaea as her home….

"Well, good. Being sick on your birthday is the pits." Laura's voice was back to its normal, carefree self. "Hey, Hitomi, hit that light switch over there. The one to your left." 

Hitomi obeyed, and was rewarded by light and eight voices yelling "Surprise!" She gave a little jump, and a little squeal, and relaxed when she realized what was happening.

"Oh, wow!… Thank you, everyone!" The tears that had come so easily to her eyes did not spill over, but remained, making her eyes seem brighter tonight. Vaughn stood still, his gaze following her around the room. She was bewitching, enchanting. How, after all this time, could he never have noticed it? That fair, fresh skin; that hair of silken gold. In one swift step, Vaughn settled into the sofa behind him. The room had begun to spin; he wasn't sure if he should attribute it to the sudden unveiling of his feelings or an excess of vodka. At any rate, he knew he had to rid himself of such thoughts to make it through the night.

  


* * *

After calling everyone to attention, Laura removed the cover from the platter in the center of the table. A wave of murmurs spread through the group as they admired Laura's culinary marvel**:** a birthday cake, painstakingly decorated with a model of the solar system. "How perfectly appropriate, for a third-year planetary science major." Diana, as usual, stated the obvious. Though she was beaming with joy, Hitomi couldn't help but notice that Gaea was missing from the cake. Of course, she herself wouldn't know where to put it, now would she?

The candles were lit, the lights were dimmed, and the requisite chorus of "Happy Birthday" was sung. Before she could blow out the twenty-one twinkling flames, someone interjected, "Make a wish, Hitomi! Make a wish!" She stopped in mid-inhalation. At the mention of the word, she felt Van's feather grow warm in her pocket. "Wish." Without hesitation, she did.

  


* * *

Hi everyone. I'm not totally sure what this story is all about yet. However, if it follows the plans I've begun to lay out for it, it will be quite long. I'm posting this first chapter to get an idea of what you guys think; I'll make the necessary changes and keep writing as you give me some honest criticism (please).

Notes**:** No, I don't mean Celena; I mean Celes. Yes, I know Varie is dead; this is another Varie. No, Vaughn is not Van; they are two different people who live on two different planets. In short, I've introduced my own made-up characters. Many of you will, I'm sure, recognize names from Final Fantasy III and other such sources. Sorry. I'm not too good at coming up with names. Later in the story, when you do come across my own made-up names, you'll be able to tell. They're just not very good.


	2. Denial

Formalities, formalities....

DISCLAIMER**:** Tenkuu no Escaflowne, its characters, plots, and storylines are the property of their respective owners. By writing this story, I do not claim any rights to or ownership of Tenkuu no Escaflowne, its characters, plots or storylines. If any of the rightful owners object to my use of said characters, plots and storylines, please notify me and I shall rectify the problem immediately. Let it be known that I am not using this story for profit. So don't sue me. Please.

  


* * *

How very anticlimactic, Hitomi thought, as she took in the smoldering candles and cheering friends. How silly of her. What had she been expecting, anyway? She returned to the important matter at hand**:** the eating of birthday cake.

Vaughn watched her as she sliced up the cake. The evening, he knew, was almost over, and soon they would each return to their respective dorms. This was quite possibly the last time he'd see her before winter break. Excellent. A month away from Hitomi might be what he needed to get her out of his system. If the feeling wasn't gone by the start of spring term, Vaughn resolved, he would consider pursuing it.

  


* * *

For a late-autumn night, it was quite warm. Hitomi even shed her crimson coat, slinging it over her shoulder as she and Diana walked home. "It feels like this term will never end. Ugh!" Diana groaned. "I can't wait for it to be over."

"Oh, take it easy. It's just one more week," Hitomi assured her. "Are you going home or staying?"

"Staying," Diana snorted. "Last time I went home, my parents said I wasn't welcome 'til my hair was a normal color and I'd taken out my piercings."

"Like that will ever happen," Hitomi laughed.

"That's what I said. You're going home, though, aren't you?"

"Mmmhhmmm," Hitomi nodded slowly.

"Don't get so excited, now," Diana sang sarcastically. "Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"I know. I haven't seen them in over a year, and I should be excited, but something won't let me. I guess… it's just that… well, I don't feel like I belong there anymore."

"In Japan?" Diana pressed. "Or with your family?"

"Well…" Hitomi hesitated. "Both, I think." She shook her head. "I don't know. It's probably nothing."

"It's probably finals!" Diana had a point. "That's my main worry, at least for right now. Ick. Finals are the pits." Hitomi smiled. Every once in a while, Diana and Laura sounded alike. Besides physical characteristics, it was one of the few things the twins shared.

They stopped in front of a three-story red-brick building. "You sure you don't want me to walk with you the rest of the way?" Diana asked. There it was again, Hitomi chuckled to herself.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's only a couple of blocks. Besides, then who would walk _ you_ home?" Hitomi pointed out knowingly.

"Aaah," Diana nodded in acknowledgement. "Well, then. Goodnight!" Diana smiled brightly as she walked towards the building's front door.

"Goodnight!" Hitomi reciprocated, and began to walk into the darkness.

"Hey, Hitomi!" Diana called. "Happy Birthday!" She giggled, and shut the door behind her. And Hitomi was left with her thoughts.

She sighed. This uneasiness she'd been feeling… of course she hadn't told Diana the whole truth. She didn't belong in Japan, or in Boston, or anywhere on Earth. She belonged with him….

"Van… I wish things were different." There. She had said it. She felt the feather grow warm once more. Before she knew it, she was swept up into the pillar of light, and Kanzaki Hitomi was no more. On Earth, anyway.

  


* * *

Van took a moment to stretch in his chair before getting to work on the prior day's reports. The early morning sunlight streamed in through the windows of the study, falling across his body, warming his skin. He let out a long sigh as his fingers flew to the red pendant that hung from his neck. How he would have liked it all to have turned out differently. It wasn't that he didn't love his life, and everyone.… The thought that had been nagging him for twenty-five years surfaced once again. What if he'd had the courage, if he'd taken the risk and –

"Milord?" The Chief of Night Security's voice broke into Van's mind.

"Yes, Tritoch?" Van snapped to attention.

"I apologize for the disturbance, my lord, but Akatriel here," he gestured to the scared-looking youth at his side, "Akatriel has a rather odd report from the last watch." Van frowned as he absorbed Tritoch's words. "Well, go on, boy."

"Ye-yes, sir," Akatriel stammered. It was clearly the first time he had ever spoken to the king.

"Speak, young Akatriel," Van said soothingly, "you've nothing to fear." He smiled reassuringly, but his mind became as unsettled and nervous as the juvenile who stood before him.

Akatriel swallowed, then continued. "My lord, it was early this day, close to an hour before dawn. It was still dark, and I saw clearly, across the sky, a column of white light." Van sprang to his feet, knocking his chair over with a clatter, his hands gripping the edge of the desk so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "Milord," Akatriel continued, "it was the strangest thing, and seemed to – "

"But where was this?" Van's mind raced. It couldn't be, it couldn't be real….

"My lord, upon the platform where we watched. It seemed to touch down beyond the plains to the east."

"Tritoch! Send word to ready my steed!" Van commanded as he rushed from the room. The castle walls were nothing more than a blur as he raced towards the stables, his mind reeling. Nothing, he thought, it's nothing. There were few things more pathetic than setting oneself up for disappointment. It was lightning, or the guard's hallucination. But it was not, was _not_, what he hoped it was.

  


* * *

Badleh, the stable-hand, swiftly saddled his Majesty's steed, a tall gray beauty. He had scarcely finished making all the necessary adjustments when the king himself broke into the stable, looking more harried than ever. "My lord, she's ready," Badleh announced. "Anything else, sire?"

Van shook his head as he advanced towards the horse. "That's all, Badleh. Tell Sienn it's all his for the day." Without another word he leaped onto the horse and shot out of the stable.

Badleh sighed. Sienn, the king's most trusted advisor, was not going to be pleased. He walked towards the castle's instant communication system and rang Sienn's study. Within moments, he heard the gruff voice answer, "Yes, Badleh?"

"Sir, the king has just left the stables on Mara. He requested that I relay this message to you**:** It's all yours for the day." Badleh braced himself. Here it comes, he thought.

"What do you mean, 'It's all mine for the day'?" Sienn exploded.

Badleh winced. It never failed. "Sir, the king was in quite a hurry; when Tritoch sent notice to ready Mara, he made it clear that she was to be prepared immediately. I assume there's some pressing matter to which King Van must tend?"

"I suppose so," Sienn relented. "Thank you, Badleh." He released the button and exhaled noisily. Damn Van. It was just like him to go running off for some silly reason. Which, most likely, was what it was, a silly reason. Would Van ever learn to send an assistant in his stead? Sienn shook his head and returned to the paperwork in front of him.

  


* * *

By Hitomi's watch, it had been four hours. Four hours of walking, resting, walking, towards the castle in the distance. Now that the sun was climbing higher, it was proving to be quite hot inside her long sleeves and thick socks. Sweating, she paused for a moment to take in her surroundings once more. Intimidating mountains, in all directions, were bordered by thick forests. She shuddered at the thought of being alone in such woods. At least the light-beam had dropped her off on the prairie. If she wasn't mistaken, it was Fanelia, but she couldn't be sure. Her last glimpse of the kingdom six years back was that of a united people, determined to rebuild their lives from the ruins of their homeland.

She took off again, towards the castle, noticing a quickly moving figure ahead and to her left. She considered attracting its attention, then decided against it. If it wasn't Fanelia, who knew how the natives might treat her? No, she was better off on her own, at least until she reached the castle.

  


* * *

Van pushed his horse farther than he'd ever pushed her before. He tried not to think as they dashed across the plains. He simply concentrated on his riding, and on getting the most speed he could get out of Mara. While scanning the empty field, he noticed a figure to the northeast. Taking a chance, set off in its direction.

  


* * *

Hitomi felt her pulse quicken. Clearly, the rider was approaching her. She tried to stay calm, and kept walking straight ahead. If there was going to be a confrontation, she would handle it serenely as she could. 

Within minutes, the rider was almost upon her. Sweating profusely in her autumn attire, Hitomi squared her shoulders and turned to face the rider.

  


* * *

Van hopped off his horse and led her by the reins. As he neared the person, he could see that it was a female. She had golden hair that fell just below her ears, fair skin, and was dressed for much cooler weather. As he got closer to her, her facial features became more distinguished**:** immense blue-green eyes; a slightly turned up, yet delicate, nose; that curious, frenzied look.... 

Van blinked. Before him stood a vision from the past**:** Hitomi. 

  


* * *

The rider dismounted gracefully and led his horse by the reins. He approached her, and Hitomi could see that he was scrutinizing her face. This man, he resembled Van, but a much older Van. He appeared to be in his late thirties, forties, even. His face, scarred by small cuts and a few scratches, was beginning to look worn. His skin was a deep bronze, somewhat darker than Van's had been six years ago. His raven hair was speckled with gray; its tips brushed his earlobes. And those eyes, those intense wine-red eyes. She knew those eyes. Suddenly, her mind whirled, and she was overcome with anxiety.

Hitomi walked slowly towards him, filled with dread. The stranger shook his head, his face displaying a look of loss. He looked up at her, scanning her face. Something in his eyes made her stop short. No, please God, no....

  


* * *

Hitomi. And yet, not. Hitomi, but aged. Not as he had, not by a quarter of a century, but by several years. She was taller, and her body was that of a woman, not of the adolescent he remembered. The Hitomi who stood before him was a young woman in her twenties, he estimated.

She began to move toward him, slowly. Van shook his head in utter defeat. After all the years filled with hope and speculation, there was no disputing it now. His greatest fear was, in fact, a reality.

He looked into her eyes, over her face. She came to an abrupt halt. He inhaled....

"Hi-Hitomi."

  


* * *

Hello again, everyone. Yay, you're still reading this! Well, as you can tell, this little story of mine doesn't really follow a linear format. I'm constantly switching POV; if it gets too confusing, please let me know! Note**:** not all the chapters will be like these last two. Chapter 4 is a list of events, accompanied by a family tree; another chapter will likely be a series of journal entries by a seemingly minor character; another chapter (almost done!) is a look into the distant past.

I've never written a fic before, so I really appreciate any criticism you guys can dish out. Please let me know how this is coming from _your_ POV!

Thank you! erin :)

ps. it is so hard for me to keep everyone in character. help! comments, suggestions, please?


	3. Acceptance

Formalities, formalities....

DISCLAIMER**:** Tenkuu no Escaflowne, its characters, plots, and storylines are the property of their respective owners. By writing this story, I do not claim any rights to or ownership of Tenkuu no Escaflowne, its characters, plots or storylines. If any of the rightful owners object to my use of said characters, plots and storylines, please notify me and I shall rectify the problem immediately. Let it be known that I am not using this story for profit. So don't sue me. Please.

  


* * *

"Hi-Hitomi," I stuttered. Something flashed in her eyes... pain?

She began to nod her head slowly. My heart wrenched. "You're here."

She looked me over. "Van...." She closed the gap between us, gripping my shoulders. "How many years?" she demanded, shaking me as her eyes flew wildly over my face. She'd become much stronger in her absence. "How many years has it been, Van?" Silent tears began to fall from her eyes. I lifted my arms and gently moved her hands from my shoulders.

"Hitomi." I spoke quietly, unsure of what to do, what to say. She reclaimed her hands and wiped away the tears. "Twenty-five."

She froze. I could hear her struggling to breathe evenly. "It's been..." she swallowed, "...twenty-five years?" She glanced up into my eyes, her chin trembling.

I nodded. "And on the Mystic Moon?"

"Six." Her voice was barely audible. Her breathing sped up considerably as she began to laugh in a desperate, half-hysterical manner. "Six!" she repeated, tears streaming down her face.

So I did the only thing I could think of**:** I held her. I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her. She continued to cry, her body wracked by the sobs. I don't know how long we stood there like that**:** I, running my fingers through her hair; she, weeping and occasionally pounding an angry fist against my chest. I feel it too, Hitomi.

  


* * *

She twirled the long stem between her thumb and forefinger. Although she stayed silent, her mind was far from quiet. Gone, he was gone forever. The chance of lifetime, wasted. Love, a love unlike any other.... Or had it been? He had not even waited three years after her departure before.... But wasn't that logical? As a king, an heir was expected, required, even, as soon as possible. Besides, how could he have guessed that time would... behave the way it had?

Her mind pressured her to accept the truth and be mature about the whole situation. But her heart, her soul... how easily could she forgive this, the greatest of betrayals? Relax, Hitomi, she thought. Breathe. She shook her head, trying to keep control of herself. If the situation had been reversed, would she have waited her whole life for something that might never have happened?

Hitomi sighed and uncrossed her legs, stretching them out across the grass. She let her arms give way, allowing her body to fall back. She stared up into the depths of the sky, marveling at its simple splendor. She eyed a white speck, drifting downwards on the mild breezes. She traced the feather's path across the cerulean vastness, swirling and looping through the air, watching as it fell to the ground just inches from her unmoving body. Falling through the sky... that's what it felt like. Her whole world, all her hopes and dreams, yanked out from underneath her feet, leaving her floating, floating to the ground. Involuntarily, tears squeezed out of her eyes; she mopped them away with the back of her hand. That's enough, Hitomi. It was time to face reality.

"What's her name?" she asked calmly. She couldn't see his reaction, as he was sitting, hunched over, on the grass several feet away from her.

After another moment of silence, Van answered quietly. "Relm... Relm Alene."

Hitomi sensed something foreign in his voice... happiness, perhaps? Tenderness? Determined not to stop there, she continued. "Do you love her?" she asked bluntly.

Van inhaled sharply. "Hitomi, are you - "

"Van," she interrupted, "I can handle it. Just... tell me." Her voice took on an odd tone, reminding Van of a prisoner, begging for mercy. He shifted his position so that he faced her.

Van tried to make eye contact with her, but she had focused on the sky, unblinking. "Yes." No visible reaction from Hitomi. "Yes, Hitomi, I love her." She closed her eyes, trying to block it all out. "I love her, and I love our children."

She sniffed and sat up slowly, as if it pained her to move. She nodded. "Okay." She finally looked him in the eyes. Van was taken aback by her reply. "I'm okay, as long as you love her. As long as you're happy." Hitomi gasped as her eyes began to well up again. Van reached for Hitomi's hand, taking it in his own. Despite the anguish evident in her eyes, she smiled at him with quivering lips. Tears spilled over onto her reddened cheeks; this time, she left them where they lay.

  


* * *

She lay, nestled between the dense covers, upon the bed. He sat in a chair beside her, absorbing the rhythm of her breathing, the placid look on her face. He reached over, gently pushing a lock of her hair aside. His fingers brushed her forehead; she stirred. "Van," she murmured softly. He froze, think she had awoken. She continued to breathe regularly, though; he relaxed.

For thirteen years now, he had feared that this would happen. And yet, hoped that it would. Just to see her again, no matter how much they both had changed. His only wish was that when it did happen, _she_ would be the one who was happy, with a life and family of her own. It would have helped to ease her pain. But now that it had actually come to pass, he recognized that it shouldn't have. Hitomi would have better off, he decided, had she never returned to Gaea.

He rose silently and walked towards the door. He turned around to take one last look at her, and sighed. She was more stunning than ever.

He exited, closing the door soundlessly behind him. 

  


* * *

At this point I must defend myself. Reality: Six years have passed on Earth while twenty-five have passed on Gaea. What was Van supposed to do, sit around and wait for Hitomi to return, and deny his kingdom an heir to the throne? That's tantamount to treason (perhaps a slight exaggeration, but a serious issue nevertheless). Remember, Van is king, and as the good and noble king that he is, he cannot think only of what is best for him, but also of what is best for his subjects. Although Van is very much in love with his wife, Hitomi will always be a very special person for him.

Final note to the nice people who read this: I still don't think chapter three is done. No, it's not. There are a few more scenes I've yet to write before we can move on to chapter four (which is already written!). However, at this point I'm starting to do some serious re-evaluations of my plans for this fic. I think I need to see Escaflowne again before I continue writing. No, I am not abandoning The Experience. I will simply be taking a vacation from it for a little while. I mean, really, I'm _so_ busy. In four days I'm moving two thousand miles away (and I've yet to pack) to a small town in the middle of the desert (two unfamiliar environments - I live in Miami, Fl!) to be a college freshman with no money and extra classes. Which start in a week and a half. And I really _do_ need to clarify some things from Escaflowne. Although it a may be a few months before I pick it back up again, I am definitely going to finish this. I've had fun with it so far, and I want to find out what happens next! So, if you would like me to email you once I've gotten back to work, let me know - **chizetoerin@babbit.org**. Also, if you emailed me before at erin@touga.nu, please email me again as it seems I am no longer able to access that account. Please pardon the inconvenience. 

ps. Yes, I wrote in the first person for a bit, and didn't like it much. It may be something that I do on occasion; like I said last chapter, I change POV a lot. Which do you like better? Do you even have a preference? Let me know**:** **r e v i e w !**


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